Posts Tagged ‘Tired And Lazy Blogger’

Vlad To Meet You

June 4, 2009

Seeing as I’ve mentioned it a couple of times, it’s what seems to be swallowing most of my writing time at the moment, and I’m feeling too tired to do an interesting blog post, here’s an extract. It’s the beginning of my comedy The Director’s Vamp, in which we find a washed-up Dracula stuck in America and trying to make ends meet acting in a low-budget horror film, which I was going to name ‘The Bloodening’, until I found out this morning that The Simpsons already came up with that one. Curses… Anyway, I hope you like it! 😀


Vlad looked down at himself and sighed. His eyes, the crimson devils that had seduced dozens of maidens over as many centuries, were creased with anxiety as they came to rest upon a stocky, bearded man in a bright green parka.

“You know, I am not so sure about zis one, Mike.”

“Trust me; it’ll look great on camera! This is gonna be the best way to do it.”

Vlad raised a thin eyebrow. “You mean ze cheapest…”

The director waved his megaphone dismissively. “Sure, that too. But hey, good luck finding another movie that’s willing to take on a-”

“Yes yes, alright. I vill do the thing.”

“You the man. Are all the effects in place?”

Vlad surveyed himself once more, narrowly avoiding having a sparkler shoved up his nose as he examined the “effects”. Wrapped around the entirety of his figure was a motley collection of Catherine wheels, Roman candles and a wide assortment of other fireworks.

“It chafes a little,” he complained, shuffling the strap between his legs. Everyone else moved back behind the safety marker, which was Mike’s ‘DIRECTOR’ cap on a stick.

“Vampires can’t have children, right?”

Vlad did not reply, and the director seemed to take this as a positive sign.

“Okay, let’s make some magic happen! Now remember Vlad: you’re in the sunlight, burning up. Try and make it look convincing.”

Vlad patted the arsenal of gunpowder-based entertainment strapped to his body with a grimace. “I vill do my best.”

One of the techies nodded, giving a thumbs up.

“Okay. Aaaand… action!”

A lone man sprinted towards Vlad like the runner of Marathon, lit taper in his hand, and the vampire closed his eyes. A loud sputtering sound filled the darkness.

Here we go…