Posts Tagged ‘Extract’

Vlad To Meet You

June 4, 2009

Seeing as I’ve mentioned it a couple of times, it’s what seems to be swallowing most of my writing time at the moment, and I’m feeling too tired to do an interesting blog post, here’s an extract. It’s the beginning of my comedy The Director’s Vamp, in which we find a washed-up Dracula stuck in America and trying to make ends meet acting in a low-budget horror film, which I was going to name ‘The Bloodening’, until I found out this morning that The Simpsons already came up with that one. Curses… Anyway, I hope you like it! 😀


Vlad looked down at himself and sighed. His eyes, the crimson devils that had seduced dozens of maidens over as many centuries, were creased with anxiety as they came to rest upon a stocky, bearded man in a bright green parka.

“You know, I am not so sure about zis one, Mike.”

“Trust me; it’ll look great on camera! This is gonna be the best way to do it.”

Vlad raised a thin eyebrow. “You mean ze cheapest…”

The director waved his megaphone dismissively. “Sure, that too. But hey, good luck finding another movie that’s willing to take on a-”

“Yes yes, alright. I vill do the thing.”

“You the man. Are all the effects in place?”

Vlad surveyed himself once more, narrowly avoiding having a sparkler shoved up his nose as he examined the “effects”. Wrapped around the entirety of his figure was a motley collection of Catherine wheels, Roman candles and a wide assortment of other fireworks.

“It chafes a little,” he complained, shuffling the strap between his legs. Everyone else moved back behind the safety marker, which was Mike’s ‘DIRECTOR’ cap on a stick.

“Vampires can’t have children, right?”

Vlad did not reply, and the director seemed to take this as a positive sign.

“Okay, let’s make some magic happen! Now remember Vlad: you’re in the sunlight, burning up. Try and make it look convincing.”

Vlad patted the arsenal of gunpowder-based entertainment strapped to his body with a grimace. “I vill do my best.”

One of the techies nodded, giving a thumbs up.

“Okay. Aaaand… action!”

A lone man sprinted towards Vlad like the runner of Marathon, lit taper in his hand, and the vampire closed his eyes. A loud sputtering sound filled the darkness.

Here we go…


A.D.D. New Post

May 20, 2009

Can’t concentrate at all today. I’ve been bouncing from one project to another like a skin-covered pinball on hot coals, except I keep missing the triple-multipliers and  instead buffer myself into the chasm at the bottom of the table. Score 0, three balls left. Play Again?

The Chocalypse is coming along pretty well:


His was a face of chocolate oblivion. The eyes flashed zit outbreaks and ballooning hips. Each of the swollen, black hairs that hung from his sugar-specked scalp was a liquorice dipper without any sherbert to dip in. When his lips broke into a smile, every tooth was a caramel-centred slab of high-calorie menace, and Mazmin felt as if she had gained twenty pounds simply by looking at them. But where else could she turn her eyes? There was certainly no respite to be found in the rest of his figure.

“Let’s wrap this up,” he said in a booming rasp, and Mazmin felt flecks of nougat ping off her face as she stepped back in terror from his diet-raping grin.

“But I… I always brushed twice daily,” she stammered, feeling a drip of what certainly wasn’t icing trickle down the inside of her leg. “Once in the m-morning, and-”

The Horseman interrupted her by blowing through his gelatinous lips, their rubbery surfaces slapping together in a repulsive rattle.

“No concern of mine, meat-thing…”


But once I’d written 400 words I felt the tug of the manuscript, and my concentration gone, -KERCHUNK- , ball lost. Two left  – Play Again?

Pulling back hard on the spring-launch mechanism this time, I figure I’ll give the editing all I’ve got. A couple of pages get chalked up as successes, and I’m about to start on the third when I hit a paragraph that reminds me of the website. I never linked up the character pages, did I? It won’t take long…

One ball remaining. Play Again?

Full tilt. Time to play this sumbitch for maximum points.


So, I link those <a href=”x”>’s like they’ve never been linked before… and then – hm. Gotta practice a blues riff I was messing about with earlier…


0x multiplier. 0 plays remaining.

Dammit. Tea-time, and no motivation to return back to any of the previous tasks.

Still, tomorrow’s a new day, with hopefully record levels of focus… and a trip to see Star Trek, which can’t be too bad.

Also today in a spat of procrastination, reading Jaym Gates’ blog post on various things writerly, forum RPGerly and Firefly fan-filmerly, she brought up the subject of tags, which I’d not given much thought about as of yet, but in the interest of hooking folk and drawing them into the hazy digital metaphor (Welcome! :D) I must remember to stick some in!

Well,  time for one last shot at focussing my attention long enough to get some more words down before the day is done. Please do feel free to say hi if you’re dropping in by the way, always nice to hear from people!