Paradise Settee

I’m still in Leicester! Furthermore, I’m being held here against my will…

By sofas.

Earlier today I purged the house of 99% of my worldy possessions, with the help of my aunt, her fella, and their Volvo.  Sofa so good. I, myself, was also supposed to accompany this menagerie of people and objects back up to York.

However, there are also two awesome leather sofas in my house. They were given to us by our lettings agency when they saw that our lounge was furnished with a lone deckchair, and a beanbag which bled little white bobbles every time someone sat on it, and the resulting spike in Lounging Quality (scientific term) sent my housemates and I into levels of comfort previously limited to only the wildest of furniture fantasies.

And so the issue arises of what to do with these big lumps of ex-cow, now that I’m moving. I couldn’t leave them for the next tenants to take advantage of, after all – that would just be wrong – but neither do I yet have anywhere in York to relocate them to. A solution for now is that I’m going to have to stay in Leicester ’til Monday, and rent out some storage space to stick them in until the time comes where I will either need them to furnish my new place, or take them to market and trade them for magic beans.

To protect the sofa’s identity, an actor has been used in this recreation


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4 Responses to “Paradise Settee”

  1. Ken Kiser Says:

    Dead cows beget dead beans. Therefore, since you have two of them, you should breed them and create an army of sofas that you might command as your deadly legion in your quest to conquer the world. Yeah, that’s just me though… I’m sure you might have better ideas.

    • Alex Masterson Says:

      Haha, ah, for the pitter-patter of little sofas around the house!

      Sadly they seem to be a bit like Pandas, and have trouble breeding in captivity. Probably for the best though, as I’d have to feed them all, spend a load of valuable time training them to kill and what have you. I think the world is safe for a little while longer yet…

  2. Amber Says:

    I’ve learned 3 new names for a couch today. Who says blogs are useless.. >.>

    Anyway, I hope you get to indulge in the softness that is your ex-cow again soon.

    • Alex Masterson Says:

      Cow-ch. Right?


      I wonder why there are so many names for it. Chairs and tables seem to do just fine with one title…

      And your wellwishes are well recieved; I hope so too!

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